Learn to be alone

So sitting alone in my mothers living room just in the silent bliss it got me thinking about the importance of being alone.

I've been in love with the same person for over 4 years, in fact nearly five years if my calculations are correct but my relationship with that person has only been 2 months long. I spent nearly 2 years completely alone and absent of him. And as painful as that time period was, mending my broken heart. I was fortunate enough to get to know myself and be completely alone.

I had friends but now relationship to anybody of any context in which i could truly be who i was and explore the whereabouts of my soul. There were always constraints or ideologies or adaptations in which i was suppressed to. This being alike everybody. And now sitting alone reflecting on that period i was so incredibly fortunate to be so alone.

Don't mistake alone for loneliness.

I delved further into my passion and love for writing and literature, i learnt that i am completely capable on my own and smart. I learnt that I am motivated and resilient. I learnt that no matter what my attacks brought on and no matter how many times i lay with limbs covered in blood screaming for help, i overcame every single moment of it. I got a job and learnt i can manage people swell as loving them and caring for them. I learnt that I can be quite naive and stupid and that i probably care and love too much. I learnt that i am simply kind, one of my favourite qualities.

I learnt so much about myself that i now take for granted. I love being in a relationship, and i am very happy and very much in love but i will never resent in fact i am thankful for that period in my life.

There is so much pressure to be in a relationship, to be in love, to be secure and have a future with somebody. There are multiple social constructs that map out our lives in a way that best fits an individuals sense of belief and self. But it simply doesn't work that way. What if we searched for a future with ourselves, and live with the comfort of knowing that we are ok on our own, it can be a little tricky and scary but we are ok. In fact we are more in control than we ever have been.

I truly believe that being alone at some point within your life is crucial and healthy. I know for a fact that i don't want to live without my partner, that he is everything to me. I also know he knows exactly who i am and that we are perfect because i know exactly who I am. He challenges me and i know my limits, i know my humour and how his matches perfectly. I also know that I am ridiculously different to everybody I've ever met and i am so so happy about that.

I know exactly what i want and exactly who I am. I often lose sight of that but I'm there somewhere, even if I'm lurking in the dark parts of my mind. Please, take time to be alone, to delve into yourself and not others. I believe its important for our own survival.

Not only to survive but to truly live, we can change and we can cater and adapt and compromise, but only to a certain degree. In the end of it we are who we are, and we will die within the company of ourselves and i hope with loved ones. But we are our own best friend and company. And our life starts from us.

So please, learn.

All my love,

JulietX