Your life is your novel, ink it with pain. Ink it with joy.

To write is to feel pain. To feel joy, and love, whether that love be a great tragic love, or the kind seen everyday on the streets, but to write, no matter if the story is built upon fiction, you must have felt. Writing is the greatest joy in my life, my unpublished writing are words from experience, intricately intwined with the delicacy of fiction.

So it appears, my writers block, my lack of provocing blogging has been due to my minimal ability to feel. Recently, I have been ok. But is ok a feeling.

When we are asked if we are 'ok' what does that actually mean? I have been ok recently, I have been busy and preoccupied, tied down with people and events and so, I have been ok. But ok isn't a feeling, so my ability to write has been completely stationed.

But I cannot let the greatest pleasure in my life become stalled by lack of emotion, because then I shall never progress. Just like we cannot allow our lives to become stalled, we don't have the gift of wishes therefore we cannot pause time, so the world will carry on, the people within it will carry on and though we feel we are stalling and taking a moment, however long, because we feel 'ok', we aren't stalling anything, we are simply moping and hiding away, even if we are in the spotlight, we are all still hiding.

If you read my blog, then that means to a certain extent you can relate to me, so to all of those I speak to and have gotten to know, when you tell me you are 'ok', you and I both know what that means. But we smile and plog along regardless, like trained soldiers marching towards the deathroes.

Though, please understand I am not having ago at you for feeling 'ok', I simply ask what is 'ok', and for that matter what is 'fine'?- also not a feeling! Some of the strongest people I know suffer from depression and or social anxiety or anxiety of any form, because nobody can explain to somebody who is not victimized just how terrifying it is to face the mirror let alone other people, when we feel 'ok', when we tell people we are simply 'fine'.

We are an awful lot to handle, this silenced community of the so called depressed and anti-social, but never ever underestimate us. Do not underestimate our tears, or our lack of emotion, we are not cold hearted, we simply have lost the ability to express emotion. Do not underestimate our scars, because yes my arm is not attractive, nor my thigh, but though I have cut, carved and bled, I have not cracked, and I still work perfectly.

I shall write again, a poem or a chapter, I shall plan and plot and use certain friends as characters and the accomplice to Aria's torrid love affairs. And hopefully, I shall start to feel again, maybe that is my infatuation with pain, maybe that is why I don't dislike pain or danger, and don't run from it, because, well, at least I am feeling something.

Something other than 'ok', something other than 'fine.

Strive to feel, risk to feel, because to feel is the most powerful thing within the human grasp. We may be depressed and have that ability torn from us momentarily, but when you can, please, try to feel, dance to feel.

Don't waste away not doing so, because your life is your own personal historical novel, so make it a great one.

Now don't mind me, I need to put on my skimpiest dress and go dancing, I intend to drink and dance until the sun ascends.

All my love

JulietX