The darkness allows me to belong

I am kind of stuck in a writing block, I ahae all these subject ideas and last night I wrote up a few, but nothing sounded right. Nothing said what I wanted it to say and the words didn't fit. They just wasn't right and I am not going to write and publish if I don't stand by my words.

This writing block is infuriating because for both I and Juliet it is crucial that I write. I usually write when inspiration hits me, when my fingers can brush the keys and write the words before my head has evn had time to comprehend the message. But I camnot wait for inspiration to hit me, sometimes you ahve to write and make inspiration, beleive me this is very much easier said than done.

Im writing a book, well sort of a book, a documentation of my observations of the world. I sat alone last night, in the pitch black facing the river and wrote and wrote, because just having the trees stare back at me, guarding its territory was something my illusioned mind found extremely metaphorical, but also oddly literal. This is an extract of what I wrote, please let me know what you think;

I sit by the river, on a little bench, staring absent mindedly at the resting water as it settles, peacefully and undisturbed .The trees that guard it, stare back at me as if I were some kind of threat. The leaves whisper to themselves but do not interact with me at all. Like i am some intrusion on their land, and I wonder, am I? And if so, am I intruding on a world that I just wasn't meant for?

​I am engulfed by darkness but yet I feel so safe. Is it odd to feel safer in the dark? When threat is supposedly so much greater. The thing is threat is so much greater in the dark because people can hide, the darkness has the power to cascade invisibility upon every body walking the earth. And suddenly we become one in the same. There is no divide in expectation and appearance, there is no body worth more than another, you are simply just another passing figure, only to be seen and judged by nature. The only division is that of the victim and the perpetrator, the goodness and greatness of the soul that inhabits the body.

Nightfall is a wonderous thing. To quote Sarah Williams in her poem the old astronomer; 'I have loved the stars to fondly to be fearful of the night'. And I love the ngiht because I love to be invisible. I love to be alone and unseen. Being seen has been the drawback of my life. And truth is, I am not only seen but I am observed, stared at, analysed by such wondering, greedy eyes. Eyes that hunt prey, eyes that only rest and close when they have devoured every inch of flesh. These eyes can't be supressed. These eyes are the face of a perpetrators soul.

So can you really blame me for loving the dark, for craving the power of invisibility when I have been victimised to such eyes on an abundance of occasion.

I'm still sitting on this little bench. But the trees seem to have stopped whispering, stopped staring me down as if to intimidate and mark superiority. They are now listening to the words I am writing into the universe, words that have depth and charatcer that can nver be taken back. I have to say they are great listeners, they haven't once interupted me.

But that is the beauty of nature, it stands tall and protects itself but it knows when to stand down, it allows a lost soul like mine to belong. The darkness allows me to belong

Just to clarify I write because I love to, I am not talented and will not publish the next best seller, in fact I will not publish at all, but words are meant to be shared and I have a voice in which I wish to share, so whether you like my writing or not, I feel it my duty to share, my observations and voice is something greater than myself, to live extraordinarily I must accept and respect such nonsequential, whimsical observations.

All my love

JulietX

Also please let me know what you think and also what you want me to talk about, comment, email me, tweet, message anything. Let me know what you want to know and read. Im hoping to delve back into the roots of this webiste with later posts and discuss the reality of my life, disorders and illnesses, so they will be quite raw. Let me know what you think!