Both a literal and metaphorical car accident

So recently I was in a car accident, nothing major, in fact I did more damage to myself scrambling out of the car and flying in to the road as opposed to the crash itself. After managing to get my mother out of the car (luck really is on my side isn't it) we waited for the police to arrive, and as my mother was explaining the whole situation she said something thats struck a cord in my head.

"It all just happened so sudden, I don't know what happened, we just lost control"

Now metaphricaly that sentence can be applied to an infinate amout of situatoions, bt greatly applied to sufferers of their own mental health. When you look back, yes you may be able to point out a significant event that acted as a trigger for the bullet holes we are left with but whatis hard is to explain, when, why and how you come to have these disorders etc.

I look back, and I never woke up one day with depression, it is a steady slope that escalates and escalates, I never woke up with body dysmorphia or anorexia, it is the same principle. I was told I had this, to which a sniggered, bu we can't explain what happened, "It all happened so sudden, I don't know what happened, we just lost control"

Ive learnt that in order to regain that control we have to acknowledge that we lost it in the first place, and people say acknowledging it is the hardest part, but for me it isn't, for me, ironically, the healing is the worst part, the talking etc.

This wasn't going to be my subject of this blog post but the metaphorical undertanding of the literal sense in which the sentence was used was one that I jut couldn't dismiss.

The point is just like that crash, I was left in a state of shock and fear and pain. I was left unaware of what had just happened and the extent of the damage to both me, my mother and the car. That poor car....

And I imagine like so many others out there, you felt the same or do, present tense, as I do. And yes the crash coul have been a hell of a lot worse but I am not going to sit here and tell you that it could be a lot worse. Because pain cannot be measured or compared, this pain is your pain and you are allowed to feel it. Pain demands to be felt and to regain control ,we need to acknowlegde that we feel it. And it is scary, I decided to have a mental breakown in the middle of Miami so i spent over $1000 for a breakdown in Miami, but now I don't feel so enclosed. I have control, I have freedom, and I promise you will in future be glad for that turning point, that acknowledgement.

All my love

JulietX

P.S JUST MOVED FOR UNIVERSITY, NEW START. And I a also going to attempt to stop self harming, my scars are ugly and draw attenion, I want to stop. If anybody can help me do that, or wants to do it with me then that will be brilliant.