When life hands you lemons...

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade, or you can suck on it and crease at the bitterness of its intoxicating flavour. The choice is yours, to do with, what you will. I'm not bitter, I don't hate the opposing sex and I certainly don't judge people, I don't think every guy is a rapist or going to abuse me.

My mothers friend came over and was talking about her son and she said; 'As long as he is a nice person, which he is, I'll forever be proud'. Because being kind and generous, is something nobody can take away from you. Ive had the rights to my own body stolen before, I have been forced into a non-responsive state and both mentally and physcially incapable, but yet, the one thing that is mine, and forever will be, is the person I choose to be.

It goes round in a circle, one person is nasty and bitter and makes another life miserable, which then, in turn, makes them bitter, and so forth. But if we chose to be good, and not let our perpertrators get the better of us, wouldn't that make more sense?

I move to London in a month, and the life I have there will be away from everything I've lived here, and I can't wait! In my head, the thoughts will gather and follow me, but one day, i'll be better. I wont cut again, I won't waste days crying and i hope, one day, I'll look in the mirror and like what I see. Body dysmorphia is a trap and it doesnt let go, its only later through the healing process we find out that, we were the ones holding on, and we are the ones that have to let go, not the disorder.

I'm incapable of being loved. FACT. Nobody can and will ever love me, I have resigned myself to this fact, and the emptiness can be extruciating. But what I was amazed to find out, is that others feel this way to. And the thought of another person feeling how I do, is heartbreaking.

I know its easier said than done, but my god, see your worth. Beauty is not a concrete concept but an abstract notion. Ever heard 'beauty lies within the eye of the beholder?' listen to it. I can't, but maybe one day I will. And hey, if a badass like Demi Lovato can see just hot friggin hot she is, then so can you.

My point is that, some of you may have been in my position, some of you may only relate to the eating disorder and the mental side of anorexia and body dysmorphia, so you may hate your body and feel just how I do. But whats yours and what cannot be scarred, or abused or broken is your soul, who you are. And if you know yourself to be good, then well, my god, you should be so proud and happy because you are what everybody needs.

Message me, lets talk, as always, I want to know you, you don't need to tell me anything but if you need somebody to say, hai gorgeous or attempt (being the opperative word) to offer some kindhearted advise, then message me, tweet me, email me.

This blog helps me to put into words how I feel, the things I can't say and understand. Even now typing, what I want to say, doesnt quite come out, but its a start.

All my love

JulietX