The gift of humanity and the screams of negativity

Just returned from a long weekend away with my amazing girls. And least to say it was therapy for me, a four day distraction, no negativity, no time to think or hurt myself, just living in the moment.

While away, I met many people, got hit on numerous time, but what amazed me was some of the humanity and kindness I recieved. I met a guy called Ryan, he was drunk and sat next to me while waiting for our Uber, and he was flirting with me, I was flirting a bit back and he noticed my arm. And he just stopped. He looked up at me and called me beautiful and expressed to me that he used to self-harm on his shoulder where nobody could see it, he held my arm and asked why, I weakly smiled and he made me promise not to do it again. He kissed me and the worry and concern on his face really tugged at something deep inisde me. In the moment I just wanted to cry, I wanted to apologise and tell him everything and just hug him, for some unknown reason that little peice of humanity gave me hope. It almost felt like he cared for a second. It may seem stupid to you but to me that was a significant moment, he was gorgeous and I wish I could see him again. I wish I could go back, and kiss him again and apologise for what I do. Somehow he got me to promise him I wouldn't do it again, I know that I will break that promise and I apologise to him now for breaking that promise. But the concern and look in his eyes was so powerful, I can't even put into words. I know it was probably the alcohol in his system but regardless, he gave me an extra strand of hope. And I am eternally grateful, I'll never see him again, he was a passing faze. But I beleive in fate, and that interaction was meant to happen, he somehow saved part of me or at least added a stitch to help mend my mental wounds.

Again I was in Westminster cathedral and a man hit on me, he wasn't sleezy, actually quite kind and sweet, a true gentleman, he was called Troy. He noticed my arm, mid conversation when he asked what it was I told him it was just a graze. He just stopped. He grabbed my hand and he again called me beautiful, he said he think that I am an amazing person and that he and god are behind me. Im an athiest and anti-religion, but still the humanity and kindness he projected made me realise that regardless of the hands I have been dealt, goodness and kindness is everywhere, so is beauty, its just that it is silenced behind the screams of negativity. And thweworld will always be that way, but if we can take a step back and listen to the silence, it can give you a whole new outlook. Even for a moment.

I want to thank them both, because to me, you both are incredible people. you both are beautiful and you helped me, you helped me to smile and gave me hope. That hope will eventually run out again and I don't know their stories, but what I do know is that I wish them a lifetime of happiness, success and luck. Luck favours the brave, and to Troy, and Ryan, you deserve it all. Im not saying, they healed me, I'll never be healed but they shown me humanity, kindness and compasion and I needed that. So thankyou.

All my love

JulietX