Spiralling so steeply downhill, the climb is treacherous.

First of let me say, I am home! Something quite misleading about what I am going through is that if I go on holiday or go away from home for a bit, I leave my troubles behind, but it doesn't work like that. They follow me, like the other half of myself. So coming home is a major relief, when I have particularly bad days I have the coice to hide away and cope in my own way as opposed to being forced to converse and move and go outside. But during my time away I learnt, that if you can't love yourself and see the beauty within you then learn to appreciate and love the world around you and see the beauty within the world, which is why I'll show a few pictures of what I saw beauty in.

But my main point of this blog is to talk about my first ever meeting at the eating disorders clinic, Wednesday at 4 is my appointment, and I am... terrified. They say acknowledging your problems is the hardest part but I happen to disagree, for me the hardest part is actively doing something about it, I am taking an unknown route and though I know in the long run it will all be worth it. At the moment in time, it is terrifying and is something no amount of support can prepare you for.

Ive been spiralling so steeply downhill that the climb is beyond treacherous.

I don't want to blab on, nobody wants to read my blog for god knows how long. But when I return from my meeting I'll share with you my feelings, my fears and my experiance.

I know I'll cope and I know eventually years from now, I'll be able to truly say I am happy but right now bed and listening to Taylor Swift is all I want. I have the most incredible friends and support from my mother and somebody who has battled an eating disorder her life aswell, she has been amazing aswell. But regardless, I am alone and I will suffer and recover alone. But you won't, because if you are reading this and relate, we can take this journey together.

All my love

JulietX