Fate doesn't control us, but we control fate

First off, let me say a big thankyou to all the people that have been reading my blog and commenting. I have had some really sweet comments and they have made me so happy. I try to respond to as many as I can, so if I haven't responded Im very sorry but if you want quicker responces or want to contact me directly then just email me, my email is julietblog97@gmail.com. You'll get quicker responces and it will be nice to get to know my readers. I never expected such a responce from people, but my god, you all make me so happy.

So thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!!!

I move to London on the 19th to attend university and its safe to say I am beyond excited but a little nervous. My life is changing completely and I question whether I am capable of doing it all? Failure is not an option for me but I want to know I have made the right decision.

Moving home, I am leaving so much behind. Many things I am glad to, for example I live very close to the people who have abused me and hurt me and on occassion I run into them, and never ever will I not be completely terryfied when I do see them. Life has a way of tricking us, sometimes those tricks are cruel and traumatising and other times they benefit us an enourmous amount and if I have learnt anything, it is to be ready for anything life can throw at you.

For once I am going to be in full control of my own life, my education, my career, my choices everything and I value control so much because of all the times I have had no control over myself.

When I expressed to a friend that it is occuring to me I am leaving so much behind, he told me I don't have to, that I can take a train ride back home and though he may not have meant it on such a deep level, it occured to me that I can let go of what I choose to, I can keep my true friends and I can keep the memories of growing up and I can build them. But I can also cut chords with all negativity. I am not saying when I move, I'll be cured, because it just doesn't work that way. I'll still be in a battle with my own mind, I'll still have these disorders and trauma but to some extent I can seperate the past from the present.

I have read enough books to know that life doesnt always have a happy ending, and I trust fate to guide me to an extent, but I also know that we write our own story, therefore we write our own endings. Fate doesn't control us, but we control fate, fate depends on our choices and will adapt itself to the situation we put ourselves in.

There have been so many times when I have been close to giving up, but the support and humanity you have all shown to me makes me want to keep going, I'm quite stubborn and determined, and my biggest regret would be if I were to give up on myself and others, because im not only affecting myself anymore, I affect other people.

I am hurting a lot right now and sometimes I feel so damn lost that I wander further in search of a way back, but there is no going back, and if I can take all the bad hands life has given me and somehow turn it into a positive, then how can I regret it?

This blog means so much to me now, I find myself craving to write and only feeling comfort when I am writing, so if there is anything you want me to discuss, if you want me to be more open or approach certain moments in my life, anything and everything, do not be afraid to ask. I would really love to hear from you.

All my love

JulietX